Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
be right there i have to get my cape
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
