so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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