its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
