the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i already hear my dad disowning me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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