so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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