you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
