So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
