You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
