I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
