im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
