Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
