Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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