I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
