Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
