good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
