dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
