Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
