Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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