Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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