5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
