and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
