I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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