Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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