How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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