i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
