Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
