is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My feet surprised me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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