my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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