I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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