you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize