That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The best revenge is premature balding
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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