he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Panties = found
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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