the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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