So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
