I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
