One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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