Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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