what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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