too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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