Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
