Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
