dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
