Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
