So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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