i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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