I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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