What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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