Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
