I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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