"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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