idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
