I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
