I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
