u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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