Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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