What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
