Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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