haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
