So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
