was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
