my mouth tastes like poor choices
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
