I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You are the jesus of drinking
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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