there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
