He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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