He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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